About That Magic Glue You’re Looking For …

by on October 13, 2014

Following my Backstage Pass to TMI missive last Friday (which you can read it here if you *gasp* didn’t see it), I got oodles of responses + questions + thanks-for-the-honesty’s from the Lovelies-on-my-List. (You can join this delicious inner circle of glorious women here)

Deeply appreciate that. Thank you.

There were several along thishere line and I asked the supernova who sent it in if it was ok to use it as a conversation-starter.

She said it was … yay! …. soooooo … fill your teacup and let’s get chatting.

Here was her question:

“I for one know for certain everyone has a story. My biggest question is ::
How do you appear to have it together with glittery glue when daily my glittery glue seems to not stick?
I cant seem to stay in the held together mode for a 24 hour whole day long…special glue you have perhaps?”
~ Julie

This question reallyreally hit home for me, because for the longest time, I thought I’d missed out on that special glue. That there’d been some kind of uber-awesome-THING I hadn’t found yet, or that ‘they’ hadn’t told me about.

And the veryworst part is … it keeps one in an endless loop of looking for thatThing aaannnddd …. focused on the lack-of-it. #doublewhammyofdooooooom

(Thinking about it, it’s very hard not to hit my head repeatedly on the desk right now. lol)

But truly, it’s the kind of pattern that you can’t see because … well, you’re IN it.
It needs to be mirrored back to you.
Which is why coaches have coaches and if you’re in this loop, you probably need a coach too.

But in the meantime, here are a couple of DIY Un-Looping strategies that I’ve found very helpful

First …


And if they look like they do, they’re either lying or just not showing you everything.

The second reason is more likely than the first.
How do I know?
Because of the very question that started this whole conversation.

From what Julie has seen of me, she believes that I have it all together, 24 hours a day.

I don’t.

Yes, it’s true that I have an utterly FAHbulous life … I have a job that I love + I’m making a difference in the world + I make 300% more than I used to a year ago + I have a husband who adores me.

But it’s taken me a loooooonnngg time to get here (ie it’s NOT an overnight transformation) and it doesn’t mean that I don’t have down-days or things I’m struggling with. (I might be a goddess but I am a human goddess lol)

The key here is that y’all don’t get to see my whole life.
You only see the bits I choose to make visible.

And you can be damn sure the same thing goes for most other leaders too.

Of course we’re going to share our successess + the things we’ve mastered. But the stuff that gets us all wobbly or that we’re still working through/wrestling-with/hiding-from? That crap only gets uncovered/explored/pounded-to-smithereens
with an innermost circle of coaches + mentors + other wildly wise people.

Then, we’ve got it all sorted out, only then will we share it on FB or on the blog.
In hindsight.
As a done deal.
From a position of strength-regained.

I’ll only share with the world when I can educate, entertain or enlighten because, seriously, angelface, there’s enough wailing + whining + woeisme shared on the airwaves already, don’t you agree?

And as I’ve got more intimate with high-achieving movers + shakers, I’ve found that most of them do the same… which is precisely why it appears that we have it all together.

Y’all only get to see the spiffy-shiny star turns, veryvery seldom the backstage chaos + meltdowns + endless rehearsals.

Social media has given us an unprecedented window into other people’s lives but please remember, sweetie, it’s still a veryvery small window.


highlight reel








The veryvery worst thing you can do to yourSelf and your dreams is to compare your WholeDamnLife to the teeny-tiny snippets you are allowed to see of others’.

It’s like comparing their HIGHLIGHT REEL

to your outtakes!

So just stop it, ok?


This is precisely why I decided to go all TMI and behind-the-scenes on you all.

Because I know two things for sure:
1. Comparisonitus will kill your dreams + suck your energy.
2. You don’t have time for that crap.

So here’s your Recipe for Major Un-Looping:

  • First, when the wobblies hit, remind yourself that this is part of the process and part of the progress too. Be gentle with yourself.
  • Understand that when you notice someone doing what-you-yearn-to-be-doing, that’s a sign that you’re veryvery close. (In Abraham circles, that’s called ‘driftwood’ … the little signs that old-time sailors used to look for to know they’re getting closer to land.) Noticing the driftwood brings more in.
  • Remind yourself of how far you’ve come and shift your focus back to where you’re going.
  • Write a love letter to your Future, thanking it for being so awesome – this reconnects you to your Best Self + your goals
  • Go clean something, declutter something – release the old to make way for the new. LOA Nesting works like a charm, btw. I know, ‘cos I invented it.
  • Get moving – yoga, a walk, even 5 deep belly breaths will get you renewed + reactivated + repurposed.
  • Create something – art or sewing or baking or words … it doesn’t matter the medium, reconnect with your Power, your YOU-ness and turn that energy outward into something tangible.
  • And finally, thank the object-of-your-envy for being in your awareness (you might just like to keep this in your head or journal,btw), because now you know what’s possible and you’re that much closer to it.

Then go off and do thatthingyoudo.

Because … you know …. no-one else can. And we’re kinda all waiting over here.






PS ThatThingYouDo? The world needs it.
Otherwise, you wouldn’t have that gift. Neverever think otherwise.

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Lisa October 14, 2014 at 10:56 am

I couldn’t agree more. I am definitely in the, “I’ll share it when it’s in the rearview mirror” camp. Everyone has the right to share what they want to when they want to and a lot of people monetize their “lifestyle”, so they have a lot of reasons not to show anything that doesn’t shine. It’s not exactly dishonest, but it’s not the truth either.


Jacqueline Gates October 14, 2014 at 1:49 pm

“rearview-mirror sharing” … very apt phrase, ms Lisa.


Cassie October 15, 2014 at 1:50 pm

Love this post Jacqui, especially because you give so many tips for getting out of the loop, which is crucial to one’s success.
Cassie´s last blog post ..To Have Kids or Not


Jacqueline Gates October 18, 2014 at 3:06 pm

I’m here to help *grins*


Lindsay Ewens-Jones October 17, 2014 at 12:21 pm

Your insights are fabulous, Jacqueline, many thanks for sharing them, and continued success in your great career. We share your blog posts with everyone we know – of both genders – and I’ve yet to have a request to stop doing it.
If only everyone would ‘create’…everyone can do it!


Jacqueline Gates October 18, 2014 at 3:05 pm

Appreciate you + your sharings, Lindsay.


Sue Kearney (@MagnoliasWest) October 18, 2014 at 11:00 pm

Great article, Jacqueline, and I love the suggestions. Many of them are familiar (in my playbook as well), and such useful tools. You nailed it!

Blessed be.
Sue Kearney (@MagnoliasWest)´s last blog post ..What do you choose to remember?


Jacqueline Gates October 22, 2014 at 10:34 am

So glad you’re finding the same magic, ms Sue. Do you have any additional tips/hints/helpful-ness?


Sue Kearney (@MagnoliasWest) October 22, 2014 at 3:04 pm

Jacqueline, thanks for asking. The big two: gratitude and generosity.

I have found that expressing gratitude in the present is an instant pivot.

Same with generosity, doing something for something else — asked or unasked (unasked is awesome).

Both of these practices are instant negativity erasers. I start many of my clients writing a 15-item gratitude list every day. Game-changer.
Sue Kearney (@MagnoliasWest)´s last blog post ..What do you choose to remember?


Donna October 28, 2014 at 1:03 pm

Oh yeah, love this Jacqui! Me too – rear view mirror sharer. I remember having a massive meltdown this time ish last year and thinking that there was no way on earth I’d share it. I did. Once I’d regained my sense of humour, perspective, and found a teaching point (staring at the wall with a sad face didn’t feel like a starting point)…and yet I still had someone say “I read your post about your meltdown and you have it so together”!! Um, HELLO?!?! No, I don’t. So, anyway, yeah – what you said. (and I am SO trying the superhero pose…I’m thinking wonderwoman! *Channels gold-panted, big haired babe* Lmao. x
Donna´s last blog post ..OnTheBeach: Honouring the Energy of Autumn


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