How to Complain Effectively (ie like a goddess would… if she had to… which she does.)

by on October 14, 2010

Dahlings, this goddess is, quite frankly, Miffed!

miffed /mɪft/

–adjective  put into an irritable mood, esp. by an offending incident:  I was miffed they didn’t invite me to the party.

Allow me to explain. You see, Dear Hearts, a few of the windows on my goddess nest have developed a nasty opaqueness ~ and no, its not due to any lack of window washing skills so get that uncharitable though out of your heads!!

Apparently the seal between the two panes has been breached  which means that I either (a) have to get them repaired, or (b) suffer high heating bills and cold toes this winter.

AND, to add insult to metaphorical injury, it would appear that the manufacturers of said windows do not warranty them if you are not the Original owner of the house!

I ask you!

One would think they deliberately manufacture windows with a lifespan of only the average time a house is owned by one person?(ie less than 10 years!)

Sort of like those sneaky production techniques like the one that makes your toaster explode two days after the warranty expires.

But I digress.

This is not really about my windows. Well, it is, but only partly.

I wanted to illustrate to all you Scrumptious Readers the difference between Complaining and what I like to call: Stating a Situation that needs to be Addressed.

You see, in my family, I’ve always been the one sent to Customer Service to do a return, or to make the phone call to report a problem, or to get the neighbor to pick up the pile of freebie newspapers coagulating on his driveway.

You know, the kind of situation that one looks forward to with as much enthusiasm as a dentist visit.

But I never have any trouble with this.

And I almost always get my way.

Without upsetting the other person, I might add.

I have come to the conclusion that this falls under the heading of UnCelebrated Skills That Will Get You Far In Life.

and I know I’m sound nauseatingly repetitious – but as always, it comes down to Mindset.

Getting back to my windows ~ there are two ways I could have gone about dealing with this.

Here’s the first …

Or there’s this option ..

Which do you think got me further in my quest for non-leaky windows?
But you see, the difference was not in the questions or objective. The difference was in MY approach.

In his brilliant book, The Success Principles, Jack Canfield talks about the ERO formula.


Basically, one cannot change the Event, no matter how much one tries or would like to, since it’s in the past and going back in time is a goddess-y skill yet to be mastered by any of us.

So if one wants to change the Outcome, the only thing one can/must change is one’s Response to the catastrophe. irritation. Event.

Therefore,  it would be wise to follow these few commandments :-

  • Do NOT whine, pout and/or feel hard done by/screwed over, or that the universe is out to get you. It is what it is. Put on your big girl panties and Deal with it. Nicely.
  • Do NOT go into the conversation feeling that all Customer Service people are morons/zombies/two-steps-from-senility and out to make life as miserable as possible for the rest of us. Remember, they have a crappy job and your getting your knickers in a knot isn’t going to make them glow with a desire to grant your every wish.
  • Focus on your desired outcome, how happy you’ll be when you have it, and engage Cooperation in the quest.
  • If you absolutely, definitely can’t do any of the above without blowing a gasket, go for a walk/scream at the wall/ eat a whole bar of chocolate/meditate/kickbox/whatever it takes to get yourself into a more amenable frame of mind.
  • And smile, goddammit!

But of course, if none of this works for you, feel free to scream, curse, question their parentage and generally be a pain in the arse to anyone even remotely capable of solving your disaster. problem. event.

And, dahlings, do let me know how that works for you.

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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Kimberly Castleberry October 14, 2010 at 2:44 pm

That was delightfully fun to watch you get her to agree that of COURSE they could help you without putting you into bankruptcy court! And this, dear Goddess is why you get to make all the “dental visits” to those that haven’t yet been made aware there is an event they need to help attend to! 😉 This is Mindset magnified because it requires us to believe in the good will of the other and know a positive outcome is right around the corner. Lovely!
Kimberly Castleberry´s last blog post ..How To Get A Thousand Blog Comments In Under 6 Months!


Jacqueline Gates October 14, 2010 at 3:03 pm

LOL I’ve spent enough time dealing with grumpy customers to know that no good comes of it. Thanks for catching the video snafu too, gf!


Shelly Allen October 14, 2010 at 3:46 pm


Absolutely BRILLIANT…

And yes, YOUR second approach is always BEST…

That is, if YOU want to get what YOU want…;)

“It’s easier to catch flies with honey!”

Are YOU sure YOU weren’t a former COMEDIAN?


Jacqueline Gates October 16, 2010 at 3:23 pm

Shelly dear, I just love that you think I’m a comedian. I just adore making people smile, and I absolutely adore YOU!


Julie @ Willow Bird Baking October 15, 2010 at 12:09 am

A very fun post about a frustrating issue! Hope your windows are fixed soon 🙂
Julie @ Willow Bird Baking´s last blog post ..Apple- Brie- and Toasted Pecan Panini &amp Voting Now Open in Project Food Blog Round 4!


Jacqueline Gates October 16, 2010 at 3:23 pm

Thank you, honey. Rushing over to your blog to find out about those Apple Brie Panini … drool …


Kellie Hosaka@network marketing business training for residual income October 15, 2010 at 5:49 am

Oh I just loved it! And the 2 videos with 2 different Jacquis! Perfect demonstration for all of us on how to approach a difficult situation. I now have a resource to remind all of us how to respond appropriately.

This was a great example of you teaching us, or rather showing us a very valuable lesson, in the perfect “Goddess” style! And videos are the next best thing to actually being with you to learn this approach.

Thank you for teaching us how a Goddess would complain effectively!

Much love & aloha,
Kellie 🙂
Kellie Hosaka@network marketing business training for residual income´s last blog post ..Are You Willing To Transform To Become A Successful Entrepreneur


Kim Jensen October 15, 2010 at 11:08 pm

And smile! Goddammit! Ha-I really did laugh out loud! Oh, and I loved this too: It’s not complaining… it’s ‘Stating a Situation that needs to be Addressed’. How charming you are dear Goddess…and such a refreshing change from the multitude of the drones of other ‘mindset’ posts…not to be rude …just Stating the Situation we readers are prone to experience from time to time.
Your friend, Kim
Kim Jensen´s last blog post ..Graceful Chaos


Jacqueline Gates October 16, 2010 at 3:21 pm

Goddess Kim, you utterly made my day/week with such a lovely compliment on being a ‘refreshing change’. Thank you for visiting, for commenting, for laughing at my jokes and for being such a delight on my FB wall.


Ernesto October 16, 2010 at 4:37 pm

Ha ha ha. Loved it. Your wit, message and your acting talents.


Nicole Rushin October 16, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Funny you should post this. I have recently learned this skill myself and just yesterday I was let go with a warning for speeding. I did not play the victim – I just said, “No, I did not know I was going that fast and I am so sorry!” I have never been given a warning for a ticket before. That is a great feeling when you get your way and things go your way and you don’t have to get all upset. You are so right – you get what you put out.


Simon@CPR Training October 18, 2010 at 12:13 pm

Having done my time in customer service, that second point is necessary — if you act as a friend (or just friendly) to the customer service person, you are going to get so much farther. They didn’t make the shoddy product; they’re just paid (inadequately) to hear people complain about it. Be good to them and they’ll be good in return.


Sheri Botman October 18, 2010 at 4:02 pm

Goddess, you delivered that Lesson Brilliantly! I loved the “Sugar Coating.” No wonder you are the designated Customer Service Representative in your family.

It’s true, what you do will come back to you. It’s all in the approach.

Delightfully entertaining!

Sheri Botman


Melissa McCloud October 19, 2010 at 4:25 pm

omg i just ordered this book from Amazon! i am only a few chapters in but i’m stoked to be reading about it here. what a “coincidence” (if you believe in them…. pssshhhhhh!)

you are so fun to watch jacqui; i never tire of it! i was taught early on that “honey gets your further than vinegar” and it always is a delight for a customer service department to hear from folks like us!



Val Wilcox October 20, 2010 at 11:32 am

Love it! You came from a place of recognizing that there was a real person on the other end of the phone who is NOT to “blame” for the issues you were having. It is the mindset that made the difference. People will respond to you in kind so like you said, keep smiling!

Val 🙂
Val Wilcox´s last blog post ..Clarify Your Vision


Lidia October 20, 2010 at 10:47 pm

Just LOVE this post! What a great way to demonstrate that you attract more bees with honey rather then vinegar 🙂
Lidia´s last blog post ..I Just Came Back From Wisdom Mystery School


JoAnn Donahue November 8, 2010 at 7:11 am

This is one of my favorites. Not only is your ability in front of the camera exquisite
your message is dead on! Love it!


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Jane@Online cpr certification July 30, 2012 at 6:05 am

Nice read Jacqueline, I think it’s harder to make people laugh then cry.


Marissa January 3, 2013 at 7:07 am

I love that when I listen/read your blog it feels that I am just with my girlfriends that no matter what, they are always on my side. This time, no matter what Jacqueline, I am always by your side! 🙂 You are one of my favorites!


Jacqueline Gates January 4, 2013 at 2:24 pm

Marissa dear, I absolutely love that you love my blog, but that’s no excuse to spam me with your links in the comments.

If you notice, I have a very strict ‘NO SPAMMERS” policy … and putting your link into the comment box, instead of the ‘website’ box where it belongs is usually enough to prompt me to delete your post.

However, this time, I’m going to let you get away with it … because you seem sweet and I think the info on your site is useful at this time of year.

But if it happens again, it’ll be deleted.


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