My parents’ influence on me has never been as obvious to me as it was when I was with them in South Africa this past month, having not been home for over three years.
So, you multi-talented, glorious being you,
do you still hear your mother’s voice telling you that that top doesn’t go with that skirt?
Or that girls don’t do travel on their own?
Or any of a bazillion other things she told you in her passionate desire to keep you safe?
My friend Holly Jeffrey, personal trainer extraordinaire, told me -
“I find that I hear all kinds of the programmed stuff
when I am around my mother and my inlaws….
It is very interesting!!
I do my best to stop by mind and mouth so that I don’t repeat what I have heard!!
It is a still a bit of work!! “
There’s the key, of course.
Don’t repeat what you heard!
Seriously, dahling.
Don’t Do It.
Not to your kids.
Not to your spouse.
Not to your friends or even the cashier at the store.
Don’t repeat what you heard!
Especially … and this is the most important, life altering bit ….
ESPECIALLY not to yourself!
TWO WAYS TO RE-PROGRAM YOURSELF
- Listen To Other Programming.This goddess has almost always got a set of headphones on ~ whether I’m cooking, cleaning, driving in the car. My iPod is full of luscious wisdom-filled reprogramming from Jim Rohn
, Diane Hochman, and the brilliantly inspiring Goddess Leonie Dawson.Slowly but surely, these empowering and supportive words have filled my head and embedded themselves into my being, and subtly altered my internal operating system.
And the bliss-filled blessing is, it doesn’t have to cost you anything!
The internet is filled with free training ~ go get yourself some!
- Snap Yourself Out Of ItI got this tip from networking goddess Jackie Ulmer, with whom I have a long standing lunch date.
(We’ll be in the same city sometime, Jackie, I promise!)Take an elastic band, a hair elastic, or if you’re like me and have to bling absolutely everything,
use a sparkly elasticized bracelet and wear it every day.Whenever you catch yourself saying something that isn’t supportive of your dreams and heart-wish,
snap the bracelet.HARD!
The first week I did this, I had a red welt round my wrist.
Masochistic, I know, but boy, does it redirect your thinking fast!
So dahlings, do let me know about your own programming.
Has it worked for you?
Or hindered you?
Do your kids look at you occasionally and say “You sound like Nana!”
I’d be thrilled if you’d comment below, and also press the LIKE button on the top.
And if you’d pass this on to your friends,
that would be utterly awesome too.
Bliss-ings,
{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }
I am very much into reprogramming yourself so that you can be free, happier and be better as a whole person. My parents has been a great inspiration to me.
Mark@Google In 60 Seconds Review´s last [type] ..Affiliate Masterclass Review-PURE JUNK?-By Sean Kaye
Hello My Goddess Friend and WELCOME BACK – you darlin have been missed!!!
So I totally understand what you are saying – it’s changing our core beliefs and the blueprints that we were born with. I call it “Getting the people off your bus”…. you have been carrying these people all your life and it’s about time you get them off your bus. Drop them off wherever you wish – I’ve had to take a few to Alaska…..they stayed!!!!:)
I totally resonate with this post and funny about the rubber band trick – I have been preaching that one for years to people. It’s certainly freeing when we get these people old tapes out of our monkey minds…
In love, light and bliss Goddess,
Nancy
Nancy Shields´s last [type] ..DO YOU EXPECT – OR ACCEPT?
I ADORE the analogy of ‘getting people off your bus’!!
You always make me feel good when you come to visit, girlfriend.
Bliss-ings,
g aka J
Nothing is more annoying than hearing your mother’s voice at the wrong times when you should develop, aim for the stars and succeed! When you spend time with your folks or relatives your entire body language changes, your thought patterns become just like they were when you were a kid. If you want to become someone this has got to stop, or you have to change the bad thoughts into good ones. Cognitive therapy says you have to replace a thought with another, you can’t just eliminate it. Thanks for your concrete tips on how to do that!
Oh Jacqui I’ve thought of you often over the past month as you visited home.
There’s this quote from Nelson Mandela that I think aligns very nicely with your insightful video:
“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered”
I hear you 110% about reprogramming the scarcity thinking we grew up with culturally in SA – it is so ingrained in our psyche. I’ve been working on this on so many levels recently – not just scarcity around material resources, but also scarcity around success, love and everything else we strive to achieve in our lives. How can we succeed and wish each other well if we remained in this stuck place of not enough?!! Much food for thought. This is my favorite video of yours so far.
Wishing you mucho success in your new business venture!
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Oh this rings so true. I think the reprogramming is constant. The times I find that I sound most like my mom are when I am stressed, then everythjing I know to be true about why I shouldn’t be saying this or that goes out the window until I snap back to my senses. I try to be transparent about it. With my kids I let them know when I have slipped into that script – not quite so technical as that but I do let them know that I did not like the way I sounded and make amends ASAP. I definitely think that liistening to knew inspiring others helps. But also, knowing that these old tapes play most when I am stressed means for me that meditation, yoga, exercise, and other self care can really help.
Petrea´s last [type] ..Embracing Change
This is so timely as I am gearing up to head home for Christmas. Having been at boarding school as a child I more often hear my old teachers voices in my head but there is something about heading home that makes me feel I have to prove myself, and justify my choices, all over again – time to update the ipod methinks and remember to plug in regularly over the holidays
♥
I know for me midlife has meant taking a deeper look at the mother-daughter stuff. Mother Daughter Wisdom by Dr. Chirtiane Northrup is a great book on this topic. I just watched this video today – there is some great mother-daughter wisdom shared. http://katemoller.com/born-funny-my-mama-dr-christiane-northrup-on-glimpse-tv/
Linnette Dooley´s last [type] ..The Feminine Brain
First, I love the way you sound when you say “epic”. SO CUTE with your delightful accent.
Second, parents are the way we come into the world and how we learn about the world. And most of them wanted to teach us as best they can to be great people. But you’re totally right that we learn negative and/or limiting outlooks from them, as well, and we have to break out of that in order to be our best selves. We can do it, even if it seems too hard.
Ellie Di´s last [type] ..The Eyes in the Mirror: Reading My Own Mind
I agree. Parents do their best but sometimes they end up doing more hurt than good. Pigeon holeing their kids into a certain pre-determined “realistic” path. Don’t be afraid to take a chance. Always better to try and fail than not try at all!
People don’t even know that they’re cause their kids harm until someone actually point to you that you can truely see your faults.
I was going through a rough time in my life with my wife. We would constantly fight over every little thing in front of our little girl. She was just 4 at the time. I didn’t think it was a big deal until my sister told me that she notice my little girl would put her hands over her ears when we fight.
Now, fighting in front of my little girl is out of the question.
I’m proud to say that my parents is more on supporting than blocking what we really wants in life..If you experience bad from your parents never to repeat to your kids, you know how it feels like controlling you.
David Britt´s last [type] ..Water Damaged
No matter what we do, I think our parents’ influence is within us. I sure hope so. Parents do have the best intention for their children. It may not always be the absolute right thing but still, the intention is always good. I think that’s a good thing. As we mature, it’s up to us how to make the best out of those intentions.
brilliant post, youve reminded me of a quote Nelson Mnadells once said….”There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered”
A few years ago I realized I was living my life for others–for my parents’ expectations. I walked away from everything I’d built for my past career to follow my heart into marketing. It was a huge epiphany for me and I was surprised when my parents supported my decision.
Aloha Goddess!
Oh, yes this is a Big One! Sometimes I thought I had re-programmed everything, and then something comes out from my subconscious!
I love your re-programming suggestions and I totally agree. Number 1 is my favorite habit…to listen to successful people daily and number 2, I have done many times too. I was told to use a thick rubber band and yes, my wrist bled. It worked though, it stopped the thoughts and words from coming out of my mouth. I have also bit my tongue very hard to stop saying certain things.
I love it! Thank you so much for sharing Jacqui!
Much love
Kellie Hosaka@home business residual income´s last [type] ..Surrender, Synchronicity and Success
Finding a great balance between doing things for myself and doing things for those around has been very helpful. So very important for me.
I am listening to other programming and maybe I should try that wrist elastic again!! I have a big thick one that should give me a jolt when I use it!! LOL Wonderful post, Jacquie~
Holly´s last [type] ..Getting Older Sucks But It Doesn’t Have To
Hi Jacqueline
Listening to your wonderful words really am very inspiring. You help me a lot with regard to self development and understanding myself very will. I’m very happy to be able to visit your website and watch your video. Hearing you is like I was talking to my fairy godmother that always help me understand myself more.
Ruth
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I agree 100% with your post. My fiancee had this problem because her parents wanted her to be a doctor and she ended up not going to medical school and graduating with a biology degree that she does not use. She now works in web development and loves it. If she would have started four years ago then she would probably be much more successful.
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Hi Jacqueline, dear! So glad you’re back!
Is your long-standing lunch date with Jackie Ulmer something like Bette Davis’ s
ever-postponed luncheon with Janie Clarkson, in the heart-rending film “Mr. Skeffington”?
Honestly, I just checked in tonight to say “Happy Holidays” to you and yours!
But for the record (although my parents are long gone), I’m influenced DAILY by their partially-successful attempts to civilize me. Ha!
All best wishes for the coming New Year!
Andrew
Andrew Williams´s last [type] ..A Billionaire’s Christmas Gala!
I try and find the balance between making myself happy and pleasing my parents. When I am able to achieve this state I am at my happiest.
Lean Six Sigma
Hahaha. Really. It’s a nice tip and it actually brought me to my right senses. Okay. I’ll snap out of it whenever I catch myself saying something which really does not support my dreams! I like this!
I have not had this problem, but I have seen some parents seem to be a little jealous, they do not like that their childern do something better than they, possibly they are afraid of losing authority.
Nobody can stop you from doing what you want and what you love. Live your dreams and you will be happy no matter what obstacles you will encounter.
I love my dad but I promised myself not to turn out like him. I think that is why I was never to strict with my kids. Sometimes I think he is right but I don’t want my kids to feel the discomfort I had.
laura´s last [type] ..How To Attract Women
Jacqueline, I can really relate to this, years ago before I moved out I thought that once I moved out I would be free from the effects of my parents, and this simply wasn’t the case, no matter how far away I am .. It makes me wonder though If they weren’t my biological parents would their still be this lasting connection & influence?
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This article was reading my mind! I do think parents control too much! Check out similar articles at Improve your Mental Health
The elastic band sounds like a good idea. I can say that right now, my parents’ influence is not an issue towards my success. But I think I could use the elastic band to discipline myself more effectively.
Sorry to say but I partially disagree with the entire concept. Yes you should not let people override you and at the same time you should not override people, but there is always a line of social discipline and norms which at all cost be maintained. the concept that your liberty ends where my nose begins is correct. When we let people be they always cross the line. Kids should be taught that at all cost.
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I agree with your blog. I walked away from everything I’d built for my past career to follow my heart into marketing.
i’m DYING… i just spent 10 days with my parents and i noticed for the first time as an adult how immediately my sister and i revert to our childhood roles the second we walk into our parents home.
it is so important to re-program ourselves, and i always humbly recommend doing so in the morning, to start the day off right, as i learned from my mentor. i’ve never heard the rubber band technique but i love it. i always wear a hair band around my wrist–this one will be easy!
thanks goddess!
Melissa McCloud´s last [type] ..America’s Happiest Woman
I was programmed to never be able to do anything. It never failed, whenever I had an idea to do something, I was told it wouldn’t work. I make sure to tell my son he can accomplish anything and it hurts me when he takes steps that may ensure he can’t accomplish greatness.
Believe it or not, my mother even told me I am not the type of person to go into ministry the day I told her I had entered the seminary.
I’m still scarred but have been able to do a lot of good for people and it’s my goal to do even more good.
My mom always has her points. Sometimes, i’ll have to re-assure her over and over again just to let her feel that everything will be okay. Nice ideas on reprogramming our selves by the way. Haven’t tried that one yet.
Farrell´s last [type] ..Solid Foundations for Better Vision
In some way we will always be a product of the parent and child roles we grew up with when we’re around our parents, it’s the awareness of it that’s key. I laugh when I see my grandmother and great-grandmother (who is 102!!) bicker at a family gathering like the must have 70 years ago, lol. For me personally family has always been a huge motivation, because we didn’t have a lot and I want better. For this it’s a driving force that pushes me to success.
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