Say Something!

by on July 5, 2013

Angelpie, you might not believe this, but when I was a girl I was horribly insecure.

I was …. different.

I sang opera when everyone else sang pop.

I listened to Pavarotti and Julie Andrews
and recordings of Laurence Olivier playing Hamlet.

I never shared a mixed tape of Madonna and Michael Jackson.

I read books about Maria Callas and Judy Garland,
while my schoolmates drooled over magazing pictures
of David Cassidy
and the Bay City Rollers.
(yes … dating myself horribly, I know!)

I spent my evenings and weekends in the theater
instead of at parties.

I was a doubter/questioner/rebel in a Catholic convent school
and my rebellion isolated me.

To say I didn’t fit in is an understatement.

And I was lonely as hell.

A while ago, I connected on FB with a classmate,
someone who shared my life for the last four years of high school.

And in casual conversation, she mentioned how she remembered me as
“beautiful and brilliant”.
She said how much she admired my individuality and talent.

And all I could think was,

“Why didn’t you tell me then?”

A Good Compliment

Sweetheart, today, this week, for ever after …
if you think something nice about someone,
please, please tell them.

You have no idea how much that might mean to them.
how much they need to hear it,
and how much hurt it could heal.

I think you’re incredible, btw.

Bliss-ings and so much love

 

PS Have you ever wished you’d said something and later regretted holding back?
Have you ever heard something that you wish someone had said when it mattered?
Did those experiences change how/when you speak up?
Please share your experiences with me in the comment boxes …  I really think this is a conversation worth having.

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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

Iyabo Onipede July 5, 2013 at 11:02 am

Thank you for this. This is so true because our self talk tends to be so damaging. I recently connected with folks from high school and their perception of me and my perception of myself at the time were two different things. I find it necessary to pay myself my own compliments as often as possible. Affirmations, deeply felt, enjoyable and goosebump making, are the best way to go. And then, turn it around and go find someone else to pay a compliment to. That way the compliment is coming from a profound place of sincerity and love. Big hugs to you goddess.

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Jacqueline Gates July 5, 2013 at 12:42 pm

Self-compliments are deeply important too, gorgeous one. And passing on the lusciousness makes it even more impactful. Because what you give out, you get back, right?

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Eric@minimalism July 20, 2013 at 8:29 pm

Thanks Jacqueline, these are really wise words. I guess if you see your brain as a kind of computer, positive input = positive outcome. Never let others tell you otherwise…
Eric@minimalism´s last blog post ..Living Green is RV Vandwelling

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Monna Ellithorpe July 5, 2013 at 11:19 am

Jacqueline,

You are so right. I cannot give you a specific story right now, but I know there have been quite a few times, I wished I had said something and didn’t.

I try to make sure I never let those opportunities pass without saying something.
Monna Ellithorpe´s last blog post ..Who Says I Can Teach You Anything?

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Jacqueline Gates July 5, 2013 at 12:40 pm

Monnaaaaaaaa!!! I’m so glad you came to visit, angel.

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Line Brunet July 5, 2013 at 12:30 pm

So true! I’ve had the same experience and thought, “really?” and wished they would have told me at the time. There were times myself that I know I didn’t say what I thought or felt about someone. Why? Funny thing isn’t it? I do tell people how wonderful I think they are or how much they inspire me every chance I get because I know how it makes them feel – and ME! This one got me thinking…hmmm…..thank you.

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Jacqueline Gates July 5, 2013 at 12:38 pm

There IS a lot of energy in how WE feel when we uplift or acknowledge someone else, right? No such thing as an unselfish deed.

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Christina July 5, 2013 at 12:37 pm

Hi Jacqueline,

That is such a beautiful, heart-warming message–I love it! And by the way, all of the things you mentioned are indeed unique, but *very* cool (from my perspective anyway!).

~Christina

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Jacqueline Gates July 6, 2013 at 4:58 pm

Christina, it’s funny … I think if I met my younger self now, I’d think she was cool too.

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Michele Lewis July 5, 2013 at 12:56 pm

Oh how beautiful. I have been asking myself why I hold back sometimes. What is it that I am so afraid of? So often I want to tell someone how beautiful they are, or how talented I see them as. Maybe I don’t want to be seen as weird. Is it weird? It’s different but isn’t that exactly what our world is wanting? People to be different and then create a shift to where this is the new norm?
Michele Lewis´s last blog post ..Ropes Part 2- I Choose No

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Jacqueline Gates July 6, 2013 at 4:44 pm

Oh I agree, Michele. And as usual, we need/get to BE the change we wish to see in the world.

I do think that there’s an element of vulnerability when we speak our mind, even when it’s something nice. Because the recipient might think we’re being forward, or they’ll dismiss it and make us feel stupid, or they’ll misread the intention completely.

But the joy reflected on someone’s face when you pay them a sincere, and unexpected compliment is definitely worth the risk!

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Nathalie Villeneuve July 5, 2013 at 1:08 pm

I agree with Christina that the things that made you feel diffeent, isolated and rebel now sound cool to me. But I understand how you must have felt. I don’t have a specific story either but I remember being so shy in highschool and keepning to myself a lot…but I heard a few times that people thought that I was somewhat of a snob…LOL..me! a snob! That’s funny don’t you think? …Great share!
Nathalie Villeneuve´s last blog post ..How To Turn Your Passion Into A Profitable Career (Part 1)

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Jacqueline Gates July 6, 2013 at 4:46 pm

It is funny that that would be the interpretation of you, Nathalie, but I reckon a lot of shy people get mistaken as snobby, or somehow antisocial or even unintelligent. My husband was so quiet in first grade, his teacher actually checked his records to see if he could speak!!

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Jeannette July 5, 2013 at 4:17 pm

Love that quote!! (Never heard it before.)

And it’s worth remembering that someone who is not in the vibrational vicinity of a compliment couldn’t “hear” it anyway. I remember a variety of compliments years ago that I was expert at dismissing. (“They didn’t mean it; they’re just trying to make me feel better; they don’t know what they’re talking about; if they only the truth;” etc.)

I take compliments in quite differently these days. 🙂
Jeannette´s last blog post ..Sacred Mantra to Break Evil Spells

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Jacqueline Gates July 6, 2013 at 4:47 pm

You’re right about them not being able to ‘hear’ compliments if they’re not in that vibe. My husband says the same thing about me sometimes lol

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Jacs Henderson July 5, 2013 at 6:13 pm

If only we could recognise our talents and just the general wonderfulness of being young and ourselves! I loved the Bay City Rollers, but still felt distanced and inferior to many of my school mates.
I so agree about just giving those compliments, and even if the fall on unhearing ears – it’s good to be generous.
a really poignant post Jacqueline, loved it 🙂
Jacs

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Jacqueline Gates July 6, 2013 at 4:48 pm

Thank you, Jacs. Here’s to teaching our youngsters just how brilliant they are … before they get to ‘grown up’ and stuck in false patterns.

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Suzie Cheel July 7, 2013 at 2:51 am

Yes, often and it reminds we that we can not assume that what we are thinking and feeling is how others see us.
Jacqui- thanks for bringing this up as I have been dealing with this issue and it can be as well as emotionally also financially damaging.
For me it has been also being able to receive
Namaste
Suzie Cheel´s last blog post ..BE Trusting Of You And Your Intuition

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Jacqueline Gates July 8, 2013 at 12:47 pm

You hit the nail on the head there, Suzie. It always amazes me at how “bad” a lot of us are at being able to receive, and then we wonder why what we want doesn’t arrive lol

Playing the ‘Choosing Prosperity’ game with the divine women over at my Playful Prosperity FB group has really shone a spotlight on that issue for a lot of us, and we’re having such fun amping up our Receiving vibe.

Would love for you to join us, if that rings your bell.

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jiyan@cashmere sport jacket July 10, 2013 at 3:26 am

Thank you very much for changing me. I am effected seriously by this post. Its a life changing post for me. Before reading the post, i was thinking how can i say to my sweetheart that “I am falling in love with you dear Anna, and just you are the one that is Really important for me, just look back i will always be there.”
I was Afraid to tell her, just because, my whole life will change into sorrow or happiness by her one negative or positive response.

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Jacqueline Gates July 10, 2013 at 10:31 am

I soooo hope it’s a yes! But at least you’ll know and not have missed your chance.

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Pippa July 10, 2013 at 10:23 am

Thanks for the great post, Mark Twain is a god!

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Jacqueline Gates July 10, 2013 at 10:32 am

Yup. That he is!

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Liz July 10, 2013 at 10:40 am

OMG, all the time I think of things I wish I’d said but didn’t. And why not? Too shy, too introverted, I don’t know. But it’s worth investigating and fixing.

We all love a kind word. It’s also how we find joy in our life, not temporary happiness, but real inner joy. When we give of ourselves and make others happy there’s a lasting peace and joy that stays with us, and it’s contagious.

Love your post Jacqueline 🙂

Blessings,
Liz
Liz´s last blog post ..Stop Making These Silly Business Blogging Mistakes

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Jacqueline Gates July 10, 2013 at 11:09 am

It is contagious indeed. Thanks so much for visiting, Liz.

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Lucile Lueck August 7, 2013 at 3:42 am

I can relate a lot to your story. Even I had no people surrounding me to compliment me when I was young. But when I started reaching out to people, it actually feels good to say good things about other people and being honest at that. Because they are also moved to say how good you are. It sometimes is a reciprocation of words.
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