Imposter Syndrome and the Fear of Being Visible

It’s such a crappy but all too common feeling, isn’t it? –
that deep lack of self-belief and a paralyzing fear of being visible AAAND on the flip side, feeling a deep lack of self-belief and a fear of being visible.

That existential frustration of knowing how damn good you are at what you do and yet being deeply afraid to let people see.

Have you ever felt that?

If so, you’re not alone.

This paradox is at the heart of imposter syndrome, a rather cliched phenomenon these days but one that affects so many women (particularly), no matter their niche or level of expertise.

It sucks and we need to remedy it – because the world needs more YOU in it.

The Imposter Syndrome Paradox:

At first glance, it seems so weird to experience both a lack of self-belief and a fear of strutting your undeniable stuff.

However, this is precisely what makes imposter syndrome so insidious.

On one hand, you doubt your skills and accomplishments, constantly questioning whether you truly deserve your success. And on the other hand, you’re acutely aware of how brilliant you are at the thing you do, but the thought of fully displaying them fills you with dread.

Welcome to a particularly vicious cycle of self-doubt and missed opportunities.

• You find yourself holding back stating on your opinion in a meeting, even though you know you can see something everyone else is missing;

• you avoid challenges that could showcase your talents because dear lawd, they may judge you;

• or you downplay your achievements when others compliment you – “Yes, well, it really wasn’t that hard.”

Ugh Been there, done that, and the self-recriminations afterward are awful.

The fear of being “found out” as a fraud can be paralyzing, even when there’s ample evidence of your competence and you know there’s no good reason to believe otherwise.

Darling brilliant one, I have two pragmatic suggestions for you :

One, say this to yourself often … “Confidence is Courage Compounded”

I learned this from Dr Libby Kemkaren earlier this year and it has stayed with me.

 “Confidence is courage compounded,”

This is how you build a leading-lady-esque self-confidence – taking small, courageous steps consistently.

We think we have to feel confident first. We don’t.
Courage comes first.

You have to be courageous to take those first steps.

Then, over time, those steps compound, building upon themselves, leading to a more profound sense of self-assurance.

Confidence may look like an innate trait but often, it’s a skill developed through repeated acts of courage.

Each time you sashay past your fear of visibility – choosing to be the version of you that allows herself to shine, you deepen your identity as a confident woman.

It will for sure feel uncomfortable or even terrifying at first – because your beautiful human brain kinda hates change of any sort – but with each teeny courage-soaked act, you’re proving to yourself that you can handle the exposure and that you do, indeed, belong in the Spotlight. (link)

And here’s number two

Create yourself a FILE OF FABULOUSNESS

It’s been called many things – my favorite Sherlock Holmes, Sir David Suchet called it his Dossier of Awesome – but I think “File of Fabulousness” sounds more jazzy.

You’re going to create a collection of tangible evidence of your skills, accomplishments, and positive feedback from others.

Here’s how to start:

1.    Create a physical or digital folder dedicated to your achievements and the Nice Things People Say About You.

2.    If you’re going digital, a private Pinterest board would work, as would a simple folder on your phone or pc. Going analog? Print and cut out and paste every single one of those beauties into a journal and embellish as your artistic heart desires.

3.    Include awards, accomplishments, rave reviews, and glowing comments on your FB wall or IG feed.

4.    You could also write down specific instances where you overcame challenges that weren’t so visible but made you preen with pride.

5.    Update this file regularly.

6.    But more importantly, read it daily.

Here’s why that last bit is critically important:

Your brain will read these accolades as the concrete evidence of your capabilities that it so conveniently forgets when you’re in the throes of doubt.

And weirdly, because they come from outside of you (ie someone else), they feel more legit.

Over time, consistently reviewing these positive affirmations can help rewire your thought patterns and build a more accurate self-image.

Deal with Past Trauma and Limiting Beliefs but don’t stay there.

For many people, the roots of imposter syndrome and fear of visibility can be traced back to past experiences or trauma.

Perhaps you were criticized harshly as a child, or maybe you grew up in an environment where standing out was discouraged. (totally feel you there)

Here’s the thing, magical one. While these experiences may have shaped you, they do not define your future.

Therapy can be an invaluable tool for unpacking and addressing these underlying issues – but far too many times I see people getting stuck there, looking backwards.

At some point, you’ll need to make a conscious decision to put down the identity of the person who’s afraid to be visible.

You’ll choose to be a woman who faces forward.

This doesn’t mean ignoring or dismissing your past experiences, but rather deliberately and strategically stepping into a new version of yourself – one who is ready to be seen and heard and applauded for her brilliance and smarts.

That version of you, your Future Self, is a role you can begin playing right now.

Here’s how you can do that in ways that honour all you’ve been, all you are and all you know you could be.

PS I have a free class coming up that will lay out, succinctly and clearly, the steps I teach to become the version of you you know you are. Sign up here.