Hear me clearly, glorious one …
We do not ever shame our previous selves.
Not shaming who-you-were is the path to the future you want.
It’s so easy when you get into conversation with your Future Self, when you’re forward focused, to think about your Previous Selves and go, “Oh my God, what I was think what was I thinking? That was so stupid. Can’t believe I made that mistake. I can’t believe I said that. I mean, who would . … How? Just … Yeah, I wish I had never been that way.”
That does no good. In fact, it makes it harder for you to get to where you want to go. When we let shame take over, we allow it to cloud the beauty of our journey. Mistakes do not define you. In fact, they are stepping stones to who you are now.
Here’s what I want you to really understand –
Every version of you until now, has built who you are now.
And from here is what your future self will be built upon.
Your Future Self, no matter which one you choose, be it your Favorite Future Self, your Next Future Self, will be built upon who you are now, and who you are now is built upon every version before that.
There have been no failures.
There have been learnings.
There have been mistakes, perhaps, but we look at them from the viewpoint that I am who I am now because of those. Right?
We do not shame. Most of all, we do not shame ourselves.
Tough love on yourself and being firm in your knowing (of your own potential), is very different to being critical.
Think of this like you were talking to a 1st grader, who comes home with a B.
Yes, we know there are parents who’d say, “Why didn’t you get an A?”
And we also know there are parents who say, “That B … did you try really hard? Because I know you’ve got an A in you. Right? I know that. But you got a B this time, and that’s good. That’s a passing grade. We got something to build on.’
Which voice do you hear?
Your Future Self, or that Inner Mean Girl?
When I found myself playing yet another round of Solitaire, for the longest time, I would beat myself up horribly.
I would call myself all kinds of names. I would tell myself that the “cruising in style, $1,000,000 lifestyle” is completely out of likelihood because I’m being so stupid and wasting all my time with this damn game.
The change came when I could hear a different voice that said,
“Honey, is this really the best use of your time? I mean, what else could we be doing right now? What if you just closed that screen and went to your planner and chose something that felt easy to do, or or even fun? How about that? Let’s have a look at that.”
“And no, you don’t have to finish the game. Just just stop here. See what you can do. Think how good you’re gonna feel about that in the evening when you do your review.”
That voice changed everything.
That voice is responsible for a skyrocketing in my productivity and in my self love. I’ve changed my hair, my business structure .. hell, even the country I live in.
I like myself much more now, mostly because I’m not being so damn mean to myself all the time.
I had been avoiding trying new things because I didn’t want that inner mean girl to start beating me up for failing.
I was protecting myself from myself, which when you look at it, is daft, but it’s so normal, and it’s why we get stuck in our comfortable same-old-same-old while our Fabulous Future Selves seem further and further away.
Please do not shame who you’ve been until now. Who you are now has countless Future Selves available to her because of your Previous Selves, because of who you’ve been till now, not in spite of.
As you move forward, more Future Selves become available and you get to change your trajectory any time you wish. You get to choose a different direction. You get to stop and just review. You get to – it’s your life.
You are making your Future every moment at a time.
You get to choose that Future Self and navigate towards her.
Being kind is never being weak.
Not to anyone. Not to yourself.
In fact, it’s the most powerful form of love there is.
Blissings,
PS If you’d prefer, the video is here.
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