Following my Backstage Pass to TMI missive last Friday (which you can read it here if you *gasp* didn’t see it), I got oodles of responses + questions + thanks-for-the-honesty’s from the Lovelies-on-my-List. (You can join this delicious inner circle of glorious women here)
Deeply appreciate that. Thank you.
There were several along thishere line and I asked the supernova who sent it in if it was ok to use it as a conversation-starter.
She said it was … yay! …. soooooo … fill your teacup and let’s get chatting.
Here was her question:
“I for one know for certain everyone has a story. My biggest question is ::
How do you appear to have it together with glittery glue when daily my glittery glue seems to not stick?
I cant seem to stay in the held together mode for a 24 hour whole day long…special glue you have perhaps?”
This question reallyreally hit home for me, because for the longest time, I thought I’d missed out on that special glue. That there’d been some kind of uber-awesome-THING I hadn’t found yet, or that ‘they’ hadn’t told me about.
And the veryworst part is … it keeps one in an endless loop of looking for thatThing aaannnddd …. focused on the lack-of-it. #doublewhammyofdooooooom
(Thinking about it, it’s very hard not to hit my head repeatedly on the desk right now. lol)
But truly, it’s the kind of pattern that you can’t see because … well, you’re IN it.
It needs to be mirrored back to you.
Which is why coaches have coaches and if you’re in this loop, you probably need a coach too.
But in the meantime, here are a couple of DIY Un-Looping strategies that I’ve found very helpful
Repeat after me: NOBODY HAS IT ALL TOGETHER, ALL THE TIME!
And if they look like they do, they’re either lying or just not showing you everything.
The second reason is more likely than the first.
How do I know?
Because of the very question that started this whole conversation.
From what Julie has seen of me, she believes that I have it all together, 24 hours a day.
Yes, it’s true that I have an utterly FAHbulous life … I have a job that I love + I’m making a difference in the world + I make 300% more than I used to a year ago + I have a husband who adores me.
But it’s taken me a loooooonnngg time to get here (ie it’s NOT an overnight transformation) and it doesn’t mean that I don’t have down-days or things I’m struggling with. (I might be a goddess but I am a human goddess lol)
The key here is that y’all don’t get to see my whole life.
You only see the bits I choose to make visible.
And you can be damn sure the same thing goes for most other leaders too.
Of course we’re going to share our successess + the things we’ve mastered. But the stuff that gets us all wobbly or that we’re still working through/wrestling-with/hiding-from? That crap only gets uncovered/explored/pounded-to-smithereens
with an innermost circle of coaches + mentors + other wildly wise people.
Then, we’ve got it all sorted out, only then will we share it on FB or on the blog.
As a done deal.
From a position of strength-regained.
I’ll only share with the world when I can educate, entertain or enlighten because, seriously, angelface, there’s enough wailing + whining + woeisme shared on the airwaves already, don’t you agree?
And as I’ve got more intimate with high-achieving movers + shakers, I’ve found that most of them do the same… which is precisely why it appears that we have it all together.
Y’all only get to see the spiffy-shiny star turns, veryvery seldom the backstage chaos + meltdowns + endless rehearsals.
Social media has given us an unprecedented window into other people’s lives but please remember, sweetie, it’s still a veryvery small window.
The veryvery worst thing you can do to yourSelf and your dreams is to compare your WholeDamnLife to the teeny-tiny snippets you are allowed to see of others’.
It’s like comparing their HIGHLIGHT REEL
to your outtakes!
So just stop it, ok?
This is precisely why I decided to go all TMI and behind-the-scenes on you all.
Because I know two things for sure:
1. Comparisonitus will kill your dreams + suck your energy.
2. You don’t have time for that crap.
So here’s your Recipe for Major Un-Looping:
- First, when the wobblies hit, remind yourself that this is part of the process and part of the progress too. Be gentle with yourself.
- Take a healthy handful of appreciation. Or several. Your life is probably already better than you think it is. You’re almost certainly richer than you think you are. Find the good stuff. Focus on it. Celebrate it. That’s how it gets better.
- Understand that when you notice someone doing what-you-yearn-to-be-doing, that’s a sign that you’re veryvery close. (In Abraham circles, that’s called ‘driftwood’ … the little signs that old-time sailors used to look for to know they’re getting closer to land.) Noticing the driftwood brings more in.
- Remind yourself of how far you’ve come and shift your focus back to where you’re going.
- Do some Future-Present journaling – write as though you’re already are where you aim to be
- Write a love letter to your Future, thanking it for being so awesome – this reconnects you to your Best Self and your goals
- Go clean something, declutter something – release the old to make way for the new. Intentional Nesting works like a charm, btw. I know, ‘cos I invented it.
- Get moving – yoga, a walk, even 5 deep belly breaths will get you renewed + reactivated + repurposed.
- Create something – art or sewing or baking or words … it doesn’t matter the medium, reconnect with your Power, your YOU-ness and turn that energy outward into something tangible.
- Strike a Super Hero Pose for 5 minutes. Because your body language shapes who you are. (I’m not kidding. It works.)
- And finally, thank the object-of-your-envy for being in your awareness (you might just like to keep this in your head or journal,btw), because now you know what’s possible and you’re that much closer to it.
Then go off and do thatthingyoudo.
Because … you know …. no-one else can. And we’re kinda all waiting over here.
PS ThatThingYouDo? The world needs it.
Otherwise, you wouldn’t have that gift. Neverever think otherwise.